Memory Monday...Matthew

Please bear with me, because this is a very tender memory for me.  One morning in early February, I woke up sobbing from a horrible dream.  My brother had suddenly passed away just weeks before and I was feeling a little unsettled.  My sobbing woke Dave up and so I relayed my dream to him.  I had dreamed that I was in a train, a box car of sorts.  There were two tracks.  There was a second train going the opposite direction.  The two trains stopped and the car I was in was directly opposite another car.  As I looked in this car I saw Shaney (5) and Jared (3).  I realized that if I didn't act fast one of the trains would start moving again and I would never see my children again.  And the feeling of panic struck me with such a strong force it felt like my heart stopped.  So I stretched through the windows of both cars and pulled both my children into my car.  I only felt slight relief when I heard, "Mommy, don't forget me!"  I looked over and there was another very tiny child with arms outstretch looking at me with eyes filled with hope and desperation.

When I get pregnant, I get very, VERY sick.  Morning sickness is an extreme understatement.  There is no relief and it goes on for nearly the entire pregnancy, morning, noon, night, and all through the night until morning again.  And with each one I became more nauseated and incapacitated.  Those nine months were really all this family could do until the baby came.  So after Jared, WE WERE DONE!!!  I couldn't go through another pregnancy.  So I thought.

As I lay sobbing in Dave's arms, we realized that there was another one wanting to come to us.  I was terrified of the prospect of going through nine months of what felt like severe stomach flu again.  But we decided to have faith and that month we conceived.

Matthew is an interesting blessing in disguise.  He came to us will all sorts of problems that we are still sorting through.  He has taught us patience like you would not believe, he has made me a much stronger person, and most of all he has taught us UNCONDITIONAL love.  And the name Matthew actually means "Gift from God".  We didn't know that when we gave him the name, but we felt strongly that Matthew was supposed to be his name.

The Lord really knows what He is doing.  We needed Matthew and he needed us.  He is our gift from God!