My Orbitals Are Shifting

New dress code: suit coat with shorts.
It gets hot out there.
JK!

Yesterday we took Jared to CTR Clothing and got him all outfitted for his mission.  His suits will be tailored to him and he has all the things necessary to go on his mission come November 5th when he flies out to the Mexico City MTC.  It was an exciting day and I am glad I decided to go.  I almost didn't go.  I wasn't feeling very well.

Okay, so confession time.  I've been feeling increasingly angry over the last couple of months.  It truly perplexed me since I don't think I am an angry kind of a person, generally speaking.  My patience is shorter and I seem to not be as grateful as I normally am.  Dave started to notice it first.  I began to notice it soon before we took Shaney back to BYU.  It dawned on me. I am not handling this as gracefully or maturely as I would like to.  I am angry because my two best friends are leaving me!  I'm not angry at them, never at them.  I'm just angry that my time with them is quickly coming to an end before I am not the center of their lives (as mother's typically are to their children).  This feels like the beginning of the end for me.  In some way I will eventually need to share them.  Where is this weird jealousy feeling coming from?  I am feeling increasingly anxious that soon I will be taking a back seat.  That someday, someone else will be number one.  Maybe I'm not explaining myself very well.  Being the center of attention is not my thing.  But my kids are my whole universe, and what is orbiting around my world will eventually find other planets to orbit around.  Am I making any sense, or do I just sound...pathetic?  I am still not a smother-mother, but emotionally, I am really struggling.  I still let these older two make their own decisions, within reason.  They are both adults after all.  But my whole world is changing and it is throwing me out of orbit.  I can't even think about what it will be like when Jared goes because I just begin to cry.  We got home from our missionary clothing appointment and Jared says, "I just want to go right now".  I will survive this, I will survive this.  What doesn't kill me will make me stronger.  59 more days...